To text or not to text?

A good friend and I were out to dinner the other night. During a lull in our conversation we became sidetracked by a conversation between the couple sitting next to us. To our surprise the man was advising the woman on relationships. Naturally our ears perked up, as one should tend to think that a man could always give better advice than a woman on the subject of men.

Seems that the woman was wondering whether or not to contact a man she had recently been out with, to which he replied “sure you could poke your cute little rabbit head out of the snow and ask your man how best to build an igloo, but I wouldn’t advise this”. We were all a little doe-eyed by this statement, and happy to have an audience he explained “To a hunter, the most desirable prey is always the one who does not want to be caught!”

This made sense to me that night, especially after a few glasses of wine and certainly because it came straight from the mouth of a hunter himself. However, after second and third consideration, I am just not so sure. Trust me Ladies, being the vegetarian child of a deer-hunting father, I can honestly say that you do not want to be hunted!

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Upon successfully targeting a deer, my father might hang its pelt on the wall in our attic; it’s antlers or the whole stinking head might end up on a wall someplace else (sometimes even over a chair wherein if you fell asleep my father might drop water on your head to pretend that Bambi had drooled on you, usually in hopes to reclaim the chair for himself). My family ate venison for months afterward, until the freezer was empty or my father became tired of coming up with new ways to prepare it (My count = 3).
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OK. Even if you don’t trust my childhood flashback to daddy’s hunting, because clearly I did suffer some therapy worthy trauma, let’s just consider the definition of the word “hunt” according to American Heritage Dictionary

1 To pursue (game) for food or sport.
2 To search through (an area) for prey: hunted the ridges.
3 To make use of (hounds, for example) in pursuing game.
4 To pursue intensively so as to capture or kill: hunted down the escaped convict.
5 To seek out; search for.
6 To drive out forcibly, especially by harassing; chase away: hunted the newcomers out of town.

Any way you slice it Ladies, is this really the fate you desire? To be the prize in a game, used for show or consumption? Let’s not even consider definition number 4—eeks! I’m not even sure that it is an appropriate way to treat an animal.

Where on earth am I going with this? Hmmm. I am obviously confounded and admittedly, my own instincts regarding to text or not to text are usually belabored. Regardless of whether or not you feel that it is human nature to play games or maybe even just part of an inevitable dating ritual, I suppose you should play the game by your own rules. Hopefully you will find someone who appreciates your style of gaming. But if you don’t want to be hunted, I suppose you will have to leave the forest!

How do they do it?

As I finished out a late night at my doctor/friend’s second annual international dinner party, I was convinced that I needed a book from her library for my very own coffee table. I was torn between stealing her copy of Gray’s Anatomy or How They Do IT. I decided upon the later, as it was hard to pass up a book dedicated to the mating practices of animals. Beside that, the book had already generated plenty of conversation over dinner-- it seems that most guests interest in the subject ranged from mildly amused to disturbingly fascinated. True, I passed up a pretty good opportunity to finally determine exactly where is that elusive prostate, but I happily gained knowledge on a wide variety of other levels. The following list is really just a tip of the iceberg:

--the etiology of the human expression “screwing” apparently makes reference to the peculiar design of the boar’s penis

--Elk in Norway refer to IT as Fjornicating

--the caged male Gorilla masturbates, whereas wild ones do not

--I am glad that I am not an Octopus—they tend to have violent, even deadly coitus—though the French insist that their octopuses always do it gently stating that their males know how to behave with “une certaine delicatesse”—really...

--I found my favorite sentence ever published: “The male opossum may be like someone you know, ugly as sin but ready to have sex at the drop of a hat.”

I wonder if he will call you the next day?